Toddler Tantrums Part 3: Understanding What’s Behind the Meltdowns

Welcome back to our toddler tantrums series, the final stretch. If you’ve ever experienced the wrath of a tiny human in the midst of a meltdown, you know just how challenging it can be. We have explored how to calm and regulate our own emotions (Part 1), as well as how to help our little terrors through their own big feelings (Part 2), now let’s discuss what exactly causes tantrums.

Tantrums often have some major triggers. Knowing these may guide you to try to avoid getting to that point, or at least give you some empathy towards why your little one is acting in this way.

Hangry much? We’ve all been there – when hunger strikes, it’s like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. Toddlers are no exception, and a grumbling tummy can quickly lead to tears and tantrums. Little tummies need three meals a day, as well as numerous snacks in between. Try not to skip those in an effort to curb them turning into hungry monsters. Whether you are popping to the shops or going to a doctor’s appointment, it is always a good idea to bring them a snack!

Exhaustion station! When you have skipped past naptime, and your little one is running on fumes. Cue the waterworks! Fatigue is a common tantrum trigger, so be sure to keep an eye on those sleepy eyes and where possible, stick to your routine. If that means being late for a family lunch, then so be it. Your little one’s rest and your sanity are more important!

Overstimulation sensation. Toddlers are like sponges, soaking up every sight, sound, and sensation around them. But too much stimulation can send them into meltdown mode faster than you can say ‘time for a timeout’. Make sure to offer calm periods throughout their day, or times to decompress from big activities, whether they be birthday parties or family gatherings. Even a day at nursery school can be too much, and your little one just needs some quiet one on one time with you to regulate their emotions. 

Control freakout. Ah, the joys of toddlerhood – asserting their independence one tantrum at a time. When things don’t go their way or they feel like they’re not in control, tantrums are often the result. Try to offer choices to your toddlers so that they feel they have been in control of the decision, but make sure that both choices suit your end goal. Try things like ‘would you like a banana with the skin on or off’, ‘do you want the red plate or the blue plate’, ‘would you like square sandwich pieces or triangle pieces today’. Give your little ones an inch of control and they feel like big kids making their own decisions. And they don’t even realise that either choice they make, they are still submitting to what you want them to do. 

Transition troubles. Toddlers thrive on routine, so any disruptions or changes to their schedule can throw them for a loop. Whether it’s transitioning from playtime to bedtime or leaving a fun outing, transitions can be a major tantrum trigger. Give them fair warnings that they understand because counting 5 minutes means nothing to little people who have no concept of time. Warnings such as ‘you can go on the slide 5 more times and then we are going home’, or ‘1 more cookie and then it’s bath time’. Make the warnings tangible things you can count down with them.

Emotional upheaval. Toddlers experience a wide range of emotions, from joy and excitement to frustration and disappointment, all in the space of a half hour. When they’re unable to cope with these big feelings, tantrums can ensue. This can be especially true during major life events like moving to a new home or welcoming a new sibling. Don’t underestimate talking with them about big changes in their lives. Give them an understanding of what is happening, validate their feelings and give them ideas on how you as a family will be dealing with it. 

Ultimately, toddler tantrums are a rite of passage for parents everywhere, but with a little understanding and a whole lot of love, you can weather the storm. Remember, you’re not alone in this wild and wonderful journey called parenthood. Reach out to other toddler parents when the going gets rough. There is always someone who has been through it, ready with a glass of wine for when you need it!