Toddler Tantrums: Keeping Your Cool When They’re Not

Let’s talk toddler tantrums – those fiery explosions of emotion that seem to come out of nowhere and leave us feeling frazzled and overwhelmed. If you’ve ever found yourself in the middle of a toddler meltdown, you know just how challenging it can be to keep your cool. But fear not, my friend, because we’re diving into the wonderful world of tantrums over the next few blogs and exploring some practical strategies on how best to deal with them. So, grab a cup of coffee (or a glass of wine – no judgment here!), and let’s dive in!

Toddler Tantrums? Let’s dive in.

First things first, let’s talk about why tantrums happen in the first place. Toddlers are like tiny tornadoes of emotion – they’re still learning how to navigate the big, wide world around them, and sometimes, it all just gets to be too much. From feeling overwhelmed by big feelings to not getting their way, there are a million and one reasons why your little one might throw a tantrum. Ultimately we need to remember that while getting the wrong colour sippy cup may be a tiny blip in our day, in their world where everything is happy and controlled, one upset could cause a major meltdown because it ruins an otherwise ideal day, and they do not yet have the mental capacity to process it. And as much as we’d love to shield them from every bump in the road, the reality is that tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood.

Now, here’s the tricky part (and our focus for this post) – when your toddler is in the midst of a meltdown, it’s easy to get swept up in the chaos and lose your cool. But when you are able to regulate your own emotions, you’re better equipped to help your child regulate theirs. It’s like they say on airplanes – put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. So, how exactly do you de-regulate your own emotions when your toddler is in the midst of a tantrum? Here are a few tried-and-true strategies:

Take a Deep Breath (or Ten):

When you feel yourself starting to get worked up, take a moment to pause and take a few deep breaths. Inhale for a count of 5, hold for a count of 5, and exhale for a count of 5. Repeat as needed until you feel calmer and more centred.

Step Away:

If you feel like you’re about to lose your cool, it’s okay to step away for a moment. Leave the room if you need to, take a quick walk around the block, or just give yourself some space to collect your thoughts. Sometimes, a little distance can do wonders for your sanity. Just remember to tag your partner in so your toddler isn’t left on their own.

Remind Yourself:

It’s Not Personal: It can be easy to take your child’s tantrum personally, especially when they are throwing the nutritious meal you just cooked for them on the floor, but the truth is, it’s not about you – it’s about them. Remind yourself that tantrums are a normal part of development and that your child isn’t trying to push your buttons on purpose to assert control as they navigate their own individuality.

Practice Self-Compassion:

Parenting is hard, and nobody has it all figured out. Cut yourself some slack and practice self-compassion in moments of stress. Remember that you’re doing the best you can, and that’s more than enough.

Reach Out for Support:

Don’t be afraid to reach out for support when you need it. Whether it’s talking to a friend, venting in a parenting group (cue the ever-so-hand forums on The Baby Cart), or seeking guidance from a therapist, having a support system in place can make all the difference.

Practice Mindfulness:

When emotions run high, take a moment to ground yourself in the present moment through mindfulness techniques. Close your eyes and focus on your breath or try a simple body scan to release tension and bring yourself back to centre.

Use Positive Affirmations:

Affirmations can be powerful tools for shifting your mindset and calming your nerves. Repeat positive affirmations to yourself, such as ‘I am calm and capable’, ‘I can handle this’, or ‘I am a patient and loving parent’, to reinforce a sense of calm and confidence.

Engage in Physical Activity:

Sometimes, the best way to regulate your emotions is to get moving. Take a brisk walk with your pram around the block, do some yoga stretches, or crank up your favourite song and have a dance party with your toddler. Physical activity releases endorphins, which can help alleviate stress and improve mood.

Practice Acceptance and Letting Go:

Accept that tantrums are a normal part of toddlerhood and that you can’t control every situation. Let go of the need for perfection and embrace the messiness of parenthood with compassion and grace. Remember, it’s okay to not have all the answers – what matters most is your presence and love.

Seek Solitude and Quiet:

Create opportunities for moments of solitude and quiet reflection to recharge your emotional batteries. Whether it’s having a half hour alone in your bedroom for a few minutes of peace or sitting outside in nature, prioritise self-care and rejuvenation to maintain emotional balance.

At the end of the day, tantrums are just a small part of the parenting journey – a blip on the radar in the grand scheme of things. So, take a deep breath, remind yourself that you’ve got this, and know that tomorrow is a brand-new day. And hey, if all else fails, there’s always chocolate – it’s amazing how a little sweet treat can turn things around!

(part 2 on tantrums will be the next blog)